Laughter
by Raphaelfanguy4real
Summary: just a little something I threw together while bored. not everything is what it seems. Raphril.


No one knew the real Raphael, they knew the tough exterior he put up in an attempt to avoid utter humiliation. They all thought he was always angry, which he kinda was, that he got irritated easily, which he did, and that he wanted to be the leader, which he didn't. That was A-OKAY with him, though. Because if they all accepted that part of him, it was completely unlikely that they'd discover the child inside of him. Rarely did bubbly laughter escape his lips, rarely did he sing along to music like he so wanted to - at least when they were in the room, rarely did he cry. Those privileges had been claimed by Michelangelo well into their youth, and so Raphael took up the less pleasant task of being the hothead. Oh, being the hothead was fun. Aside from that, it was utterly exhausting. But that's why he had night runs.

No one knew what Raphael did alone on the surface, that was the point of going out alone. They probably assumed he beat people up, which he did a number of nights. But only after he'd visited his favorite place in the city. That place would be Central Park. That might be cheesy, or something, but he didn't care. It reminded him of the forest near the farmhouse. While there, he'd hated it. Mostly because they only ever went up to mourn or heal, and never to just…. Be. That's why Raphael loved night at Central Park. He knew where there would be no humans, as he dropped from the trees and lay in the grass, staring up at the stars.

The stars instilled wonder in humankind since the first one existed, and the same went for Mutant Turtles. He couldn't see many in the city, but if he closed his eyes for just a moment, Raphael could replace that sky with the one he remembered from so many nights up north. Those memories, of course, always had to have sadness. That's why Raphael only stayed to stargaze for a few minutes every night. Then, and only then, late at night, Raphael would jump up a tree and let the laughter inside of him fall out. A laugh of pure joy. The world could be so funny sometimes, and if he were to laugh like this around his family they'd probably think he was drunk. Raphael swung through the trees, imagining he was like an explorer, or Tarzan maybe, all the while that joyful laughter coming from him.

It was late at night like this that Raphael would feel at peace with everything. The world, the city, his family, himself. Oh, Raphael loved the night. He could be a child like he'd never been when he was younger, and no one would be the wiser. At least that's the way it was supposed to be. Instead, the person he most wanted to not find out about this part of him was the first other than himself.

It happened one night when Raphael was jumping through the lower trees, this part of the park empty. The laughter was falling from his lips as he beaming happily, all hostility of the day erased at that moment. That's when it happened.

"Raph?" Raphael nearly fell out of his tree and only managed not to by grabbing the branch, hanging down as he saw who was there. Crud.

"O-oh… um… Hi April…" He stammered, dropping down out of the tree in front of her. She had a strange little sparkle in her eyes, a small smile on her mouth, and she was watching him with interest. "Uh…. how long have you been following me?"

"I thought you were Mikey when I first glimpsed you," April said with a laugh. Raphael didn't say anything. "I was wondering where you were headed, so I followed. Then I saw it was you." She tilted her head slightly. "What were you laughing at?" Raphael shook his head, eyes narrowed slightly.

"Nothing," he replied simply. "I was laughing at nothing."

"Really," April said. Raphael nodded. "Okay, where were you going?"

"Nowhere," he said again, resting his hands on his belt. Maybe he could pass this off as a simple emotional breakdown. April just looked at him, as if she couldn't quite believe she was seeing Raphael there in front of her.

"Really."

"Sometimes…" Raphael said, not knowing what the heck he was doing, "you just gotta laugh."

"That's… yeah." April nodded, looking surprised and happy, maybe impressed. "I just didn't think you had that need, no offense."

"None taken," Raphael replied, leaning his back against the tree as he looked around. He felt at ease here, as always. That's why it was a bad place for April to come across him. "That's what you were supposed to think."

"Why?" the question surprised Raphael and he looked at her, green eyes meeting blue. Why? It was obvious, wasn't it?

"Because…" he said slowly, "I'm not supposed to laugh like that…"

"Like what? Like you're happy?" April challenged, Raphael blinked.

"April, you have to know the order of things by now," he said softly. "Leo's the leader, he's the one that keeps it all together. Donnie's smart, obviously, he's the one that keeps us alive. Mikey, he's happy. He's the one that keeps us from ripping each other apart. And me? Well if I wasn't the way I am, they'd all be out of jobs." April just looked at him. "That's _why_."

"So, what, you aren't actually a hot-head?"

"Oh no, I totally love being the hot-head," Raphael said, grinning wildly. "But I can't just not be a kid sometimes, April. Now that we can go to the surface, I can finally just be… me."

"That's…" April shook her head. "They don't know?" Raphael felt his walls begin to creep up and he frowned.

"No, they don't know, April," he said softly, surprising her at eth change in tone. "And they never will." before anything else could go wrong, Raphael jumped up into the trees and disappeared into the night.

April never brought Raphael's laughter up again, and neither did he. Weeks went by, with Raphael returning to central park every now and then to Be. She never said a word, not to him not to Sensei and not to his brothers, thank shell for that. But it did become one of Raphael's favorite memories to think back on, while he lay in bed alone. She hadn't been weirded out, she'd just accepted it. Almost like she… liked it. And the question April had asked made Raphael rethink almost everything. Why? Then he'd remind himself of the answer he'd given, about his brothers. But that wasn't the real reason, even then.

Raphael was scared of being himself, he always had been. That's why there were two of him, and only one ever came out to say hello. The other waited until dark until he was alone with the scent of tree blossoms filling the air. That was the only time Raphael allowed the laughter to come, bubbling up and over uncontrollably at the time. It was so unlike his 'usual' loud rowdy laugh, but he liked the way it felt. And so as he lay in bed, thinking about the memory that even April may have forgotten, Raphael figured that maybe the child had a place with his family after all. Not all the time, and certainly not obvious. But… maybe. Raphael smiled to himself, laughing bubbly laughter lightly into the silent lair, it was the first time he could remember laughing in his home. And he liked it.


End file.
